Most people who meet me think I’m brave. Brave, alone and strong. I go my own way, I dare to go against the flow. When I went alone to India to attend my first solo show last year there were many who thought I was very, very brave. I felt the opposite of brave. Honestly, I was nervous and insecure and cowardly as a mouse mostly of the time I was there but I do my best to not let the cowardliness to take over.
I try to tell myself. The only way to cure a fear is to face it.
A day before a trip, no matter if it’s to India, Stockholm or London, I am not brave at all, I am cowardly and nervous and want to run from everything.
I can feel the nervousness creeping up on me. What if I forget the passport and what if I go astray and what if I and so on……. and I have to stop thinking and say to myself. My thoughts create anxiety. Drop the tanks. Now.
Well, it’s easier said than done.
Key is left to those who will be here the suitcase is packed, the bus ticket booked.
I leave early tomorrow morning.
I’ll try to go to sleep early even though I know I will have trouble sleeping.
I‘m nervous and cowardly but at the same time so I look forward to the trip. It is reassuring to those who stand behind the exhibition is friendly and polite, it gives a sense of security.
Tomorrow, this time, I land in London.